Studying is fun!

I do this from time to time--sit up all night studying things. The one thing I hate about the nights that I choose to do this, though, is the fact that I can't stand having silence for too long... especially if a link on an internet page I'm reading leads me to a creepy looking page or something. There's just something unsettling about reading about some despicable act, or demons, or something supernatural, real or not, at four in the morning. Hahaha

Due to never wanting to have silence, I turn to listening to my older, more familiar CDs, since they keep me awake (not that I have trouble staying awake anyway, since it's getting to sleep that I have a problem with). Consequently, though, in the small breaks I take to think about what I had just read or to reflect on a video I had just watched, or even to relate things to my life, these old CDs sometimes cause me to reflect on the past.

I wonder... is it strange that I feel like I keep too much of my past a secret from everyone? More than once I've caught myself saying the line, "...but I don't want to dig that up," or something similar, when I mention something about certain subjects, one such being love.

I guess, sometimes, I want to tell people what I've experienced. I want people to know that I know more than I let on, at times, but I act like too much of a goof for people to always take me seriously. Instead of sharing my knowledge on certain subjects, sometimes I'll leave it at an ill-placed, unfunny joke (rarely it'll be a funny joke, but that's beyond the point). Maybe I focus too much on the times that I don't answer, than the times that I do.

Eh... I don't know. All I know is that certain songs seem to trigger an emotional response in me that causes me to reflect on my past and make me wish that I would share it with people more often. It also causes me to overthink subjects, such as, "Am I too secretive?" Ironically, one night I spent a good hour overthinking the subject, "Do I think too much?" My conclusion? After a whole hour of overthinking the subject and finding myself going off on tangent after tangent, I concluded, "No, I don't overthink subjects. I just think of fifteen at once."

I suppose it's not all bad, though. Overthinking has become an art, for me, and I find myself doing fifteen minutes worth of thinking in a split second now.

Back on the subject of studying, though, sometimes I want to look into this phenomena known as "coincidence." I found it very odd that the day after I went through and deleted very personal blog posts, people I knew found this blog. I have no idea if they had read said blog posts before then or not, and if they did, I don't mind, but it was still strange. I guess studying up on that would only lead me to the conclusion of, "Luck or God," and I wouldn't be as satisfied as I would want to be.

Anyway, back to my night of study! I chose tonight for the simple fact that I got too much sleep last night (waking up at 1 PM is not something I enjoy), and I need to get my sleep schedule normalized again. I suppose that's what I get for taking medicine with a drowsiness effect in it, since that happens to hit me rather hard. Oh well.

God Bless,

Mike

Ba dum da dum...

I've realized, lately, that it seems like God has carried my talents along, for me, even when I'm out of practice. Ever since I realized that God had musical plans for my life, everything has slowly fallen into place, instruments have been gifted to me, people with musical talents have entered my life and either stayed or exited, leaving me with more knowledge, even if they weren't particularly knowledgeable or skilled in music.

I remember when I was fifteen and part of the Marysville, Kansas, youth group (the church I was going to in Junction City (an hour and fifteen minutes away) didn't have a youth group at the time), my pastor, BJ, had asked a question, as homework: "What verse of the Bible describes the plan God has for your life?" For some reason, the word "song" was implanted into my mind and wouldn't go away. Now, looking back, I realize that BJ didn't have any plans for us to actually talk about the verses that we picked out. It was purely for us to reflect on our lives, spend time in prayer, and have God talk to us about the plans He had for our lives.

Keep in mind, at this point I had very little interest in playing music. I had interest in listening, but I had no desire to learn an instrument, except to look cool. That's the wrong mindset to have when you try to learn an instrument, since it takes passion to play music effectively, to convey the emtion of the piece, and to have people understand the meaning.

I went home, the word "song" in mind, and talked to mom about the homework assignment and the word I heard. I believe we looked at three verses within the Bible that had to do with song, and nearly every single one had to do with praise. I actually found it funny, since a praise CD is what got me interested in "Christian" music, praise CDs are what I most listen to now, and praise music is pretty much all I play(ed). After the week had passed, and, I'll be honest, I didn't pray about it as much as mom said I should, I was concrete in my belief that God had something to do with the word "song" and praise in my future.

Fast forward to the beginning of my sophomore year: I had signed up for "guitar," and "advanced guitar," and was looking forward to having a great year learning the instrument. Mom had given me my grandpa's old hollow body (he had died the summer of my thirteenth year) and I had no idea how to play the thing. I could tune it with a tuner, and mom had tried to teach me a few simple chords, but other than that, I was only able to randomly strum the strings and hope it sounded halfway decent (it never did). Sadly, I missed out on the advanced guitar class, since it was only offered first semester, and the beginning guitar class was only offered second semester. Upsetting. I finished out that year of school, learning the basic of the basics on the guitar, and feeling pretty good about myself.

Throughout the summer of that year, I rarely played my guitar for very long. My fingers still hadn't adjusted, and I wasn't ready to do much with it. I took part in a worship workshop at camp, that year, and learned quite a bit about effective ways to choose worship songs. Unable to put it into practice, however, I was left high and dry, holding onto this knowledge, waiting for my chance to use it.

Junior and Senior years were when the doors to actually lead worship were opened for me. My junior year, I didn't take the advanced guitar class, since I had to get my technology credits out of the way. I took half of a schedule of math and computer classes (to get math out of the way, as well), and wound up not having room for advanced guitar. Instead, I started leading worship for my old youth group, but I was severely inexperienced. I didn't do popular songs, easy to learn songs, or even songs in the same key. Mom just told me to have fun with it and gave me a few tips here and there. Eventually, however, I joined the main church worship team, playing the bass. Oddly enough, I had received a bass as a late sixteenth birthday present from some guy at mom's work, which was absolutely amazing. I have never even met the guy, though.

The actual game changer, for me, had nothing to do with learning an instrument or leading worship, however. It was in the fall/winter of my junior year. I had gone to a women's meeting with my mom to help with with worship and they had some (I think) Russian lady there as a special guest. She spoke for a little bit, and then she started prophesying over each of us, individually, as God told her to (as in, not over every single person). While she was speaking between the person before me and me, I suddenly started bawling. There was such a huge presence of God in that room, like I had never felt before. It felt like I could reach out and touch His face! She called me up to the front of the room, then spoke over me. I learned quite a bit about what it was God wanted for my life, what I was anointed to do, that I will be going into seven different nations, and even things about the woman I will one day marry. The final thing she did was put a cloth on me and told me that she was putting the prophetic mantle on me and that I need to get ready, get ready, get ready.

Ever since that day, and the day God confirmed to me that it was true and from Him, I've been on a wild ride, with God preparing me for the things that He has set aside for me to do. Of course, the hardest part was when I realized that God was telling me to get away from my then-girlfriend, Amanda, and other friends and groups, and I didn't get away from all of them, which held me down for a good nine months (no joke).

After the year I've spent in Iowa, I've learned so much more about how to lead worship effectively. I've had ups and downs, been a jerk to people, walked away from God, gone back to some of my old, non-christian ways, rededicated to Him, fixed my life up, and gotten myself back to being the real me. Despite the lack of experience in worship music that I had before I came down here, God has opened the door for me to rapidly learn and prepare for what He has in store for me, down the road. I still wonder where He has me going, and sometimes I worry about messing up, but I know that He has me here for a reason, and if I just keep letting Him guide me, I'll get to where I'm supposed to be, one day.

I'm hoping the presidential debate will rerun on Fox News sometime soon. It usually does by now.

God Bless,

Mike

Zune

I had a dream that I searched for a new mp3 player, and subsequently purchased it, this morning. When I woke up, remembering that I didn't have to babysit today, I searched for one, then drove to the store and bought it. Due to the space limitations of my other player, I needed one with more space. I bought a Zune (16 GB). It's actually a very nice little piece of technology. I put every bit of music on my computer on it as soon as I could, too, as well as bought a subscription to the service that Microsoft offers with it, enabling me to download as many songs as I want.

Before I drove to the store to get the mp3 player, though, I noticed a package sitting on my front porch, from the Christian Book Store. It was the songbook I had ordered nearly two months ago! Hillsong - This is Our God. It has sixteen great songs on it, with a few being older hymns redone, even. Whenever I listen to anything Hillsong related, I want to learn to play it, as well as lead it one day, successfully. Whenever I think of leading a song, though, I always think of what I could do better than I did last time I lead, or than the person leading on the song I'm listening to.

I know for a fact that I can't become a super worship leader overnight. There's no possible way I'll learn everything I need in a few weeks, so I've simply started looking at what I've done every time I've led and worked off of that, to improve for the next week. One thing I've also loved, at least about the worship band in the youth group, is that we all seem to improve, every week. Bryce, for example, will start adding new things to the drum patterns he thinks up. Corrie seems to be more willing to sing and play. Brad has more and more fun and learns his instruments at the same time. The vocalists seem to be getting more comfortable...

.. I'm thankful for each and every one of them.

Never, however, would I have thought what happened on Wednesday would actually be a real situation. I had been losing my voice over the course of the week, and Wednesday night it went from bearable to horrible in about ten minutes (very strange, I know). I had to ask Elissa or Corrie to lead, and, based on the track record, Elissa would have had to lead, but she didn't want to. I heard quite a few excuses from her as to why, most having to do with a hurt leg. Without warning, Corrie stepped up and lead each song. Not only did she sing the songs and play, but she actually led the songs! Even though I've told her, I don't think she realizes just how proud of her I am, not only for leading when I needed her to, but for stepping out of her comfort zone without hesitation.

I'm still surprised, right now, even.

This weekend, we're going to visit my sister, nephew, and nieces, in Kansas. We'll be leaving Sunday morning and coming home Monday evening.

Here's a sample of the Hillsong - This is Our God CD:

- Mike