Studying is fun!

I do this from time to time--sit up all night studying things. The one thing I hate about the nights that I choose to do this, though, is the fact that I can't stand having silence for too long... especially if a link on an internet page I'm reading leads me to a creepy looking page or something. There's just something unsettling about reading about some despicable act, or demons, or something supernatural, real or not, at four in the morning. Hahaha

Due to never wanting to have silence, I turn to listening to my older, more familiar CDs, since they keep me awake (not that I have trouble staying awake anyway, since it's getting to sleep that I have a problem with). Consequently, though, in the small breaks I take to think about what I had just read or to reflect on a video I had just watched, or even to relate things to my life, these old CDs sometimes cause me to reflect on the past.

I wonder... is it strange that I feel like I keep too much of my past a secret from everyone? More than once I've caught myself saying the line, "...but I don't want to dig that up," or something similar, when I mention something about certain subjects, one such being love.

I guess, sometimes, I want to tell people what I've experienced. I want people to know that I know more than I let on, at times, but I act like too much of a goof for people to always take me seriously. Instead of sharing my knowledge on certain subjects, sometimes I'll leave it at an ill-placed, unfunny joke (rarely it'll be a funny joke, but that's beyond the point). Maybe I focus too much on the times that I don't answer, than the times that I do.

Eh... I don't know. All I know is that certain songs seem to trigger an emotional response in me that causes me to reflect on my past and make me wish that I would share it with people more often. It also causes me to overthink subjects, such as, "Am I too secretive?" Ironically, one night I spent a good hour overthinking the subject, "Do I think too much?" My conclusion? After a whole hour of overthinking the subject and finding myself going off on tangent after tangent, I concluded, "No, I don't overthink subjects. I just think of fifteen at once."

I suppose it's not all bad, though. Overthinking has become an art, for me, and I find myself doing fifteen minutes worth of thinking in a split second now.

Back on the subject of studying, though, sometimes I want to look into this phenomena known as "coincidence." I found it very odd that the day after I went through and deleted very personal blog posts, people I knew found this blog. I have no idea if they had read said blog posts before then or not, and if they did, I don't mind, but it was still strange. I guess studying up on that would only lead me to the conclusion of, "Luck or God," and I wouldn't be as satisfied as I would want to be.

Anyway, back to my night of study! I chose tonight for the simple fact that I got too much sleep last night (waking up at 1 PM is not something I enjoy), and I need to get my sleep schedule normalized again. I suppose that's what I get for taking medicine with a drowsiness effect in it, since that happens to hit me rather hard. Oh well.

God Bless,

Mike